Mother’s Day When Kids and Moms are Missing
To you Moms,
Mother’s Day is kind of a funny thing. I have always had mixed emotions about this holiday, and others. It is wonderful to have a day where moms are honored, but really we should honor moms every day! Moms are the heart and soul of the family. Moms bring families together, and keep them together. Moms feel the pain of their children. Moms stay awake at night until their teenagers are safe at home, and sleep with one eye open for years! Moms work tirelessly to make a house a home. So many moms are single moms, and too many are now raising grandchildren.
How can we reserve just “one day” for moms? It doesn’t seem right. But, since nobody has put me in charge of holidays, I go along with it. After all, it is a family day and who can argue with that? I love being able to honor my mom, but…
Mother’s Day is not so special for many people
My friend Kalen lost her mom when she was just shy of fourteen years old. Some people might think that after more than two decades, this day might not bother her that much, but it does! I still have my mom, so I really have no idea how Kalen feels, but I know she still misses her mom every day. I am sure I would too.
Annelle has an amazing family, but her son is homeless. The only contact she has is when she makes the trek to the city and puts the word out among other homeless people, and waits in hopes of her son showing up. It is a heartbreaking way to live, but she puts on a brave face and keeps her faith. Still, there is no way for Annelle to not notice the missing seat at the Mother’s Day table.
I spent most of fifteen years without my daughter Jamie with me, or even in contact with me on Mother’s Day. If I want to spend time with her this Sunday, I will have to do it at the palm tree in my backyard where her ashes are spread.
How do we deal with Mother’s Day when kids and moms are missing?
I am so grateful my mom is still with me, but if she were not, I might do what Kalen does – skip it altogether. She is a single mom, so she avoids the day by making sure her daughter is with her father on that day. It is just another day to Kalen.
On holidays, Annelle allows herself a few minutes to grieve. She sets aside a place and time to allow her broken heart to get some attention. Then, she wipes her tears and spends the day with her family. That is what she will do this Sunday.
Me, I will do what I have been doing for the past seventeen years…I will do something special for my mom. My son will call me and wish me a Happy Mother’s Day. I might take a page from Annelle’s playbook, and allow the hole in my heart to grieve for a few minutes, next to the palm tree.
If Mother’s Day is a difficult day for you, there are a couple of things to keep in mind.
First, it is just one day of the year. While there is a lot of hoopla, plenty of plenty of reminders, and no way to completely forget about it, try not to put too much emphasis on this day. It is only one day of 365 days in a year. Keep it in perspective.
Next, allow yourself a short period of time to grieve, or to feel sad, but don’t stay there. The way I honor the hole in my heart is to allow it some attention, but I don’t get sucked into the hole.
Lastly, try to focus on the people who are here. Don’t allow the missing person, or people, to take away from the other people who are present in your life.
Happy EVERY Day, Moms
For all of you moms out there, I wish you a happy every day! Every mom deserves to be love, cherished, honored, and acknowledged every day.
For those of you missing your mom today, I hope that good memories fill your head and your heart.
For you moms whose sons our daughters are missing, or on a self-destructive path, I pray for you find peace, courage, and hope.
For those who, like me, have children who have gone to heaven early, I hope and pray that you receive peace that surpasses all understanding. That, like me, you feel immense gratitude at having the incredible blessing of being their mom.
With much love,
Valerie Silveira is an award-winning author, empowerment coach, international speaker and Beast slayer. Through the devastation of losing her daughter over and over to the addiction Beast, and finally losing her to a senseless murder, Valerie empowers others to stand up and fight for their lives. She is the creator of Nine Actions to Battle Your Beast and the Still Standing Sisterhood membership program. Valerie uses her books and Sisterhood to guide women in their quest for happiness, peace, and purpose. She builds up women of courage who stand strong against any Beast in their lives.
Until her death in August 2016, Valerie chose to call her daughter Jamie, “Jordan.”