When the Scale Tips
Today is my daughter’s 30th birthday. It “should be” a day of celebration. We should go out to lunch; go to a spa; go shopping. We should take a trip down memory lane together. We should share 30 years of memories – mother and daughter memories.
The problem is that I don’t know where Jordan is right now. You see, it has been over a year since I have seen or spoken with my daughter.
Jordan was born with more gifts than anyone I know. I should be celebrating her career, or the birth of her child. We should have a son-in-law. Jordan and I should talk every week. I should have the mother-daughter relationship I always dreamed of having. Life events should unfold in a certain way. We should be able to control the outcome. The reality is we cannot.
Jordan is lost in the belly of her drug addiction Beast. Nothing about that makes any sense. It is not what should be. For reasons I will likely never understand, Jordan walked away from what should have been at age 15. Today reminds me of the uncertainty of life.
Unless I receive that miracle I pray for every day, this year I reach the tipping point, where I begin to know Jordan longer as an addict, than not.
What do you do when you reach the tipping point? I could say I don’t really know what to do or how to feel. After all, it is my first time here.
I am determined. Today will not be the day that I allow my own Beast back into my life. Nobody would blame me if I stumbled today, or even fell down. I will not. Instead, I will do what I do every day: fight to remain standing; keep praying; take care of myself; use my heart glue, keep a positive attitude, focus on the first 15 years and on everything else in my life that matters; let go; keep being my best; do what I can to help others.
We all have choices. No matter how far the scale tips, always be thankful for the good years. Never lose hope, and never stop praying. Do not let your Beast stick his foot back into the doorway of your life. Stand Up and Fight.
Valerie Silveira is an award-winning author, international speaker and Beast slayer. Through the devastation of losing her daughter over and over to the addiction Beast, and finally losing her to a senseless murder, Valerie empowers others to stand up and fight for their lives. She is the creator of Nine Actions to Battle Your Beast and the Still Standing Sisterhood membership program. Valerie uses her books and Sisterhood to guide women in their quest for happiness, peace, and purpose. She builds up women of courage who stand strong against any Beast in their lives.
Until her death in August 2016, Valerie chose to call her daughter Jamie, “Jordan.”