Paralyzing Fear - Valerie Silveira
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Paralyzing Fear

Everybody has fears. I can pretty much guarantee you will not find me skydiving or bungee jumping. Some fears are healthy, and keep us from danger. Other fears are simply:

F alse

E vidence

A ppearing

R eal


After all, most of the things that we fear, never happen. However, there are real fears that can be incredibly difficult to stand up against. Your loved one’s addiction is real, and it can be terrifying. What can we do about FEAR?

On my thirteen year ride on the Roller Coaster From Hell, as a result of my daughter’s drug addiction, I was beyond scared every day. She is still lost in the belly of her Beast, but I no longer live in paralyzing fear.

I developed the Nine Actions to Battle Your Beast, and each one of them has been instrumental in finding my courage; standing up to my fears.

  1. Decide to Stand Up & Fight. Making a serious decision about anything is the first step. The very act of making a decision and the resolve to take action is empowering. The decision to fight now matter what gives you a chance, some hope. This is where you begin to fight your fears.
  2. Get On Your Spiritual Armor. Fear is the opposite of faith. The more faith you develop, the less fear is able to take root. As faith grows, peace is developed. Living in faith and with peace will help to drive out fear.
  3. Put On Your Oxygen Mask. This action is about self-care and self-love. Loving and caring for you will allow for healing mentally, spiritually, physically and emotionally. The stronger you are in these areas, the more you are able to fight your fears.
  4. Build Your Circle of Strength. Loneliness assists fear in manifesting and growing. Have you ever noticed that you are much less afraid when you are in the company of another person? You may feel braver in a dark house, or less fearful talking with strangers. There is strength in numbers.
  5. Change Your Attitude. This one action makes a huge difference in whether or not you feel afraid. The right attitude will propel you to dig down deep and find the courage buried within you.
  6. Adjust Your Focus. What we focus on becomes magnified. Choose any fear right this moment and focus on it, obsess over it, and it will become larger than life! Now re-focus away from the fear. See yourself as courageous, brave, and strong. Your life-sized fear begins to shrink. Imagine doing this day after day, watching your fears shrink away.
  7. Stop Being a Control Freak. Since you have been living in paralyzing fear, there is no doubt that you have become a control freak. When we are scared, we either attempt to control something or someone we cannot control, or we try to control other areas of our lives to the extreme to make of for our lack of control over the thing we fear. When we let go of the things for which we have no control, and begin to take action toward those we can control, we gain a tremendous amount of power. We become stronger and more courageous.
  8. Stand On Your Story. Fear is what keeps us from owning our story, standing up against the shame of what has happened. We are afraid of the judgment of others, the stigma that surrounds our child’s drug Beast, and our Codependent Enabler Beast. When you stand on your story, rather than n it, you being to shed the shame, guilt and stigma that feed your fears.
  9. Make Meaning From the Madness. Helping people builds your self-confidence. It also allows you to spend time away from your own troubles and the magnifying impact of focusing on those troubles. The fact that you can positively impact even one other person will strengthen your resolve to fight your Beast.

You have a family member or loved one who is an addict, so it is understandable that you are scared, downright terrified. So fearful of what is up ahead in the road, you become paralyzed. Yu are afraid to make decisions for fear they will be the wrong ones. You are down on the mat with your Beast on top of you. This is living in paralyzing fear.

I lived with this type of fear for more than a decade. It wasn’t until I took the first step and decided to stand up and fight, that I began to face my fears, to take control of them.

Nobody could blame you for being afraid, fearing the future, when you are faced with what you are facing. However, it is your choice whether or not you will stand up to your fears, take control over them, or continue to live in paralyzing fear.

Since you have a choice, you have control. Having control is empowering. Being empowered builds courage. It is courage that stares down your fear, your Beast. You have plenty of courage. Will you dig down and find your courage, or do you choose to continue living in paralyzing fear. The choice is yours to make.


Valerie Silveira is an award-winning author, international speaker and Beast slayer. Through the devastation of losing her daughter over and over to the addiction Beast, and finally losing her to a senseless murder, Valerie empowers others to stand up and fight for their lives. She is the creator of Nine Actions to Battle Your Beast and  the Still Standing Sisterhood membership program. Valerie uses her books and Sisterhood to guide women in their quest for happiness, peace, and purpose. She builds up women of courage who stand strong against any Beast in their lives.

Until her death in August 2016, Valerie chose to call her daughter Jamie, “Jordan.”


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