Coulda, Shoulda, Woulda
When Jordan and Sean were young, I used to tell them, there are three people you really need to avoid: Coulda, shoulda and woulda. It would have served me well to listen to my own advice. Living with my Beast for nearly 13 years, I developed a very close relationship with coulda, shoulda and woulda. So familiar were they to me, that I named them.
Mea Coulda reminds you what you could have done differently. She is the image that you have conjured up in your mind of the stress free life you could have had. Mea Coulda continually reminds you of the things that you have missed out on; the fun and freedom that others enjoy. She represents the life that you could have had.
Shirley Shoulda preys on your shame and your guilt. You should have done this. You should have done that. Shirley makes you question every decision you have ever made, and makes certain you know what you should have done differently. Shirley Shoulda is a know it all.
- Woulda is in the comparison business. He makes sure that you see every way in which you have failed. He appears to have infinite wisdom and the ability to see into the future. I. Woulda certainly would have done things much differently.
Quit Hanging Out With Them
You know that Mea Coulda, Shirley Shoulda, and I. Woulda make you feel badly about yourself, yet you can’t seem to steer clear of them. Sure, you throw them out of your life, but you keep inviting them back. There is a magnetic quality to each of them.
We can’t change the past. It is fine to visit there every now and again, in order to examine decisions and actions, for the purpose of being your best in the present, and in the future. Too much time spent on what you could have done, should have said, or what others would have done, is self-destructive. And it is sure to gain you express entrance to a pity party.
Valerie Silveira is an award-winning author, international speaker and Beast slayer. Through the devastation of losing her daughter over and over to the addiction Beast, and finally losing her to a senseless murder, Valerie empowers others to stand up and fight for their lives. She is the creator of Nine Actions to Battle Your Beast and the Still Standing Sisterhood membership program. Valerie uses her books and Sisterhood to guide women in their quest for happiness, peace, and purpose. She builds up women of courage who stand strong against any Beast in their lives.
Until her death in August 2016, Valerie chose to call her daughter Jamie, “Jordan.”